One confession to make
Kaise kahoon? Kahte hue bhi hesitation hota hai? But until I say this I won’t feel light! So, for the sake of the weight on my conscience and enlightenment of others I will finally do what I have been trying and dreading to confess since the last three months or more!
Actually, I have a monkey riding pillion on my shoulders. And this monkey was brought into my life, rather invited, by none other but me! Whenever I sit down-more precisely speaking- continue lying down (this is another interesting but heart wrenching story which I will share after I am done with touring you down my guilty lane), to type something, or surf or chat with someone, this monkey scratches me all the more.
Well, without creating the maze of words I will come to the actual story.
One day when we were just browsing an electronic store, I came across a small laptop and I told him that I want one such thing. He told me that they are of no real use and the one which I already have is far better than this one. But it got stuck in my desire list and since then the existing one became too heavy, too cumbersome for me, besides its only actual fault, namely battery.
I started dropping him hints about what I want as a gift for my coming birthday. For buying gadgets that too a laptop, he could not even use his usual excuse of inexperience or incompatibility. But my birthday came and was gone, and my hints clearly did not work.
My desire to have the small beauty was so intense that I brought this topic once again while we were returning from somewhere, in the car. He tried to tell me that these ‘notepads’ are just ornamental, have limited memory and have slow speed and the one which I already have is of very good configuration and if I want I could get its battery replaced.
I too tried to place my points. That I need it just for typing and then posting my blogs, and connecting on facebook and orkut. I prefer a smaller one, because it is easier to carry along and that I don’t care for the speed or memory.
But, as usual he finally closed the topic saying ‘I am not yet convinced. You don’t know your mind yet’.
This irked me so much that my valid and invalid frustrations of last seven years ebbed out. Listening to the outburst, if Ekta Kapoor were present that day, she would have been real proud of me! I don’t exactly remember what I said but it was to the effect that ‘why do I need to convince you all the time, I am myself convinced about what I want. Why do all my desires need your approval stamp? How I wish I was not wasting my qualification, then I would have been independent to follow my dreams instead of looking at your face each time for that mandatory nod.’
What followed was a chilling silence between us which spread over a span of not just few hours but for two three days. During this time, he was extra quiet, engrossed all the more in his laptop. In between, he even bought the wireless router (our old one was out of order). I controlled my urge to comment on his new purchase which seemingly suited his purpose.
On the fourth day arrived a courier from Dell, with which arrived my new notebook in a cute purple colour! I told you na! he is an expert at such electronic purchases. This is my first surprise gift in my seven and half years of marriage and how it surprised me!
Its arrival also filled me with guilt for having said those unnecessary words.
Since then this monkey of guilt has been riding pillion on my shoulders. Over time it has only become heavier, because now I know that it is actually slow and has very limited memory.
But for the record, though it is sometimes irritating, it serves my purpose and I am content.
Now you might wonder why am I devoting my first blog from this keyboard to this confession?
Simple!
By such public apology, I intend to:
1. Get light at my conscience, and
2. Pave way for other monkey(s) in the future!
Actually, I have a monkey riding pillion on my shoulders. And this monkey was brought into my life, rather invited, by none other but me! Whenever I sit down-more precisely speaking- continue lying down (this is another interesting but heart wrenching story which I will share after I am done with touring you down my guilty lane), to type something, or surf or chat with someone, this monkey scratches me all the more.
Well, without creating the maze of words I will come to the actual story.
One day when we were just browsing an electronic store, I came across a small laptop and I told him that I want one such thing. He told me that they are of no real use and the one which I already have is far better than this one. But it got stuck in my desire list and since then the existing one became too heavy, too cumbersome for me, besides its only actual fault, namely battery.
I started dropping him hints about what I want as a gift for my coming birthday. For buying gadgets that too a laptop, he could not even use his usual excuse of inexperience or incompatibility. But my birthday came and was gone, and my hints clearly did not work.
My desire to have the small beauty was so intense that I brought this topic once again while we were returning from somewhere, in the car. He tried to tell me that these ‘notepads’ are just ornamental, have limited memory and have slow speed and the one which I already have is of very good configuration and if I want I could get its battery replaced.
I too tried to place my points. That I need it just for typing and then posting my blogs, and connecting on facebook and orkut. I prefer a smaller one, because it is easier to carry along and that I don’t care for the speed or memory.
But, as usual he finally closed the topic saying ‘I am not yet convinced. You don’t know your mind yet’.
This irked me so much that my valid and invalid frustrations of last seven years ebbed out. Listening to the outburst, if Ekta Kapoor were present that day, she would have been real proud of me! I don’t exactly remember what I said but it was to the effect that ‘why do I need to convince you all the time, I am myself convinced about what I want. Why do all my desires need your approval stamp? How I wish I was not wasting my qualification, then I would have been independent to follow my dreams instead of looking at your face each time for that mandatory nod.’
What followed was a chilling silence between us which spread over a span of not just few hours but for two three days. During this time, he was extra quiet, engrossed all the more in his laptop. In between, he even bought the wireless router (our old one was out of order). I controlled my urge to comment on his new purchase which seemingly suited his purpose.
On the fourth day arrived a courier from Dell, with which arrived my new notebook in a cute purple colour! I told you na! he is an expert at such electronic purchases. This is my first surprise gift in my seven and half years of marriage and how it surprised me!
Its arrival also filled me with guilt for having said those unnecessary words.
Since then this monkey of guilt has been riding pillion on my shoulders. Over time it has only become heavier, because now I know that it is actually slow and has very limited memory.
But for the record, though it is sometimes irritating, it serves my purpose and I am content.
Now you might wonder why am I devoting my first blog from this keyboard to this confession?
Simple!
By such public apology, I intend to:
1. Get light at my conscience, and
2. Pave way for other monkey(s) in the future!
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