ashamed and afraid of being a part of this modern times

For the second consecutive night, i can not sleep.....

for the second consecutive night, i could not block those two happy, smiling faces ,from flashing in my eyes.....a little high pitched frustrated voice of a mom calling her son to hurry back from play....that tinkering laughter floating in the corridors rings in my ears as if she is really laughing.....

so much was hidden behind those smiling bubbly faces....

That laughter concealed so much of pain....who had imagined....

but what keeps me awake is not just those memories of a seemingly chirping friend and her cute little son.

No!!

More than that, the feeling of shame and fear haunts me.

Yes i am ashamed of myself.

I am ashamed that i am part of this society, a part of these so called modern times where a person can be so troubled and still is able to hide the pains behind a few smiles, a few laughters....

were not we better in the times of those snoopy aunts who always had one ear to the gossips and the happenings in the other houses???

Are not those jokes better that a maid was offered extra salary if she indulged the 'memsaahib' with the juicy tidbits of ongoings in the other houses where she worked????

At least they would not have found a family dead and locked in the house for almost three days...

those three nights and two and a half day embarass me and chill me to the bones.....

no one heard the frantic barkings of the dog who was left alive with the dead bodies???

no one cared to think that where suddenly a family of three has gone leaving the dog behind....did no one notice them 'not' going out, missing the school bus, not coming down for the daily chit chat, did no one care to call them on the landline or mobile,.....

No one noticed the stench coming from the house????

I am ashamed because i am also that 'no one'.

But hold....there is more to be ashamed for....

I am ashamed of those days...those months....and those years....which led to that fateful sunday night.

A person....a family.....does not disintegrate in a day.

A couple..... married for seven years.....do not suddenly become so hateful of each other...

We, as a society.....as friends.....as neighbours.... have become so insensitive....(or shall i call polite)....that either we fail to notice...or we deliberately ignore....the hints that if noticed and acted upon on time.....could have saved three lives.

And i am the part of that society....that neighbour... may be a friend too....

besides being ashamed....i am scared......

I am scared because suddenly that feeling of being esconed in a cocoon of trust and security lies savagely interrupted. The myth that such incidents happen only in 'crime patrol' or newspapers and that i live in a different kind of world is rudely shattered. The broken beliefs pierce my cocoon and my conscience like fragmented mirror pieces.

Now every time i will see a couple fighting...i will see shweta and manish in them...

every time i will see a shy little kid...who sometimes fights with friends or defies her....or who receives a little undeserved harsh scolding from the mom....i will see a yash in him.

I don't know, if any of us will be able to recover from the shock.

But please....please....I have a very humble request to everyone.

To those who suffer.........its ok to hide your pains from the world....but please choose someone....anyone....to let your steam out....positively and constructively. I know it is not easy to find such someone....there is that nagging fear always that what if that someone will make you a laughing stock..... but if you seek you will find.....

And to others....please make it a habit....look into the eyes of your friend....and ask...is there anything you want to tell me?.....

And if and once you know....at least honour the trust.....