jiya as ganpati in the fancy dress competition

From today, the ganpati celebrations started in my complex and the flagship programme was fancy dress show, just like last year. I wanted to do something grand this time, so I got into the adrenaline mode from Friday itself. And for three days I worked on it like a maniac, with Jiya fully co-operating in my too ambitious plans. I decided on making her ganpati and made a real good trunk (but it proved to be a too big a size for Jiya), real good elephant ears, fake teeth (complete with research that one tooth is half the size), and collected every other thing for the costumes (read mukut, jewellery, bajuband, dhoti, kamarband, etc) matching upto the standards of perfection.


After achieving that feat, Ankur was set on the task of preparing her on-stage performance. He taught her a good story of Ganesha to recite on stage and she learned it perfectly well.

Accomplishing all these things, my mind got caught (unintentionally) in its very bad old habit- of day dreaming that I will hear applauses on the stage, people congratulating me that she did very well (well before her performance). I know, nothing harmful in this, but let me complete my confession. For a flicker of second, a funny thought struck me, that she will perform so well that someone in the audience will get impressed by her confidence and she will catch the fancy of some admaker!!!! and then I will reject his offer citing that she is too small for it. Well don’t laugh, I actually did not think about it!!! Never!!! I swear!!!! But it must have flickered somewhere in the back of my mind, because now once everything is over my mind is rebuking my other mind constantly for thinking all these funny ridiculous thoughts!!!!

Why rebuking????

Why not just sympathizing????

I think the time has come to disclose another secret of my life!!!

There is one fellow around me who knows every part of my heart, head, mind, brain & soul. He knows all my darkest secrets, even those which I am not aware of; he is aware of all my deepest thoughts even though my mind never even tells the heart when it thinks of them; and the vice versa with my feelings. And then….

And then HE misuses these informations. He enjoys proving my dreams wrong. Whenever he gets to know that I am dreaming about something, he sets on the devilish task of proving me wrong. It may be as simple a thought as ‘today I will shampoo my hair before I go to the party and will remember to condition them, then my long hair will look more shiny and soft and then someone might envy/notice them’. So, he will make sure that that particular day, either I will get very busy to even take a bath, or if I take a bath the party will be cancelled, or if both happens just as planned, then no one will notice the shine but there will be someone who will point out that my hair have started to turn grey!!!!

And this happens so often with me that now I make it a point to think pessimistically, so that he can’t have the fun of spoiling things. But being a pessimist has its own negatives.

So, you know I am stuck in a vicious circle

Coming back to the fancy dress competition, everything was set. Jiya was quiet excited to perform, costume was ready, and she knew how to conduct on the stage.

But as soon as I stepped on the stage, nothing happened as I had thought would happen. While I was tying the trunk to her face, she started crying as it was not comfortable to her. And with her tears streaming, the situation slipped out of my hand. I tried to console her, in front of the whole gathering, loosened the trunk, asked if someone had water, made her drink and then asked for the mike once she was ready to speak. At this point I should have left the stage and let the anchor take over, but ...but...but...to undo my dreams HE from high above conspired and the anchor did not come forward and I did not leave.

As an effect, what should have been a confident sparkling performance, became a ‘a mother prompting her child’ attempt.

On an hindsight now, how I wish that the time clock will rewind itself. Then once Jiya stops crying on the stage, I will tell the anchor to take charge instead of me asking for the mike, and everything will become almost normal......but that did not happen.

And as a cherry on the cake, the snaps also did not come out proper. Still whatever they are, they are here for your perusal.

Now once everything is over, I am sitting here, pondering and typing and then scolding myself to have ‘day dreamed’!!!!

Jiya too was disappointed. Though, we don’t know the results yet, but we know that we could have done better.


To contain her disappointment and to prevent her from becoming a victim of my over-ambition I told her this story-
(We have a bed time ritual of Jiya listening to a story, and I use this opportunity optimally to pass on some vital messages to her)

‘Once upon a time there was a small girl. She was an intelligent girl and strong as well. Once she was required to climb a series of steps, to climb a wall, the likes of which Mummy did in Sikkim, and you did in the park that day. (to this she nodded in affirmation). Each step harder than the earlier one. She prepared well for it, diligently learning how to place her foot on the stepping stones and then hold on to the higher ones with the hands and then how to move up.

But on the d-day, she did not come prepared. She had a weakness of not giving her best performances when she was hungry, even slightly. Then she got late and became nervous. And then when she started she accidentally put her first foot wrong. So, she could not perform the way she had wanted to.

At the end she managed to climb her first step but it was her not best attempt. So she was disappointed.

Then her teacher told her that it was ok if she could not match her expectations this time as long she knew where she erred and learnt from her mistakes because this experience will help her is climbing the next steps. She understood this and climbed the wall successfully’

She did not like the story because it was too small. But it served as a reminder of my mistakes:-

1. I should not loose control of my emotions on a slightest glimpse of tears in her eyes. Even my friend who was helping me out at that time will vouch for the fact that how difficult I become at such times!!!!
2. I shall never send her with half-full stomach especially if the stakes are laid on her, whatever time crunching the situation is!!!!
3. I should have done a proper dress rehearsal instead of the staggered one which we did (Most importantly)
4. I shall not make such a big deal out of such a small thing. It was my choice to have spent three days on preparing for a housing society-ganpati festival-fancy dress competition. But to get a four year old involved into it emotionally-(banta nahin hai yaar) ( and this is more important than the earlier one)

Let’s hope that I will not falter on the next step and the coming steps that will fall on the way of raising a kid!!!!